GET OUT OF THAT COMFORT ZONE!

How can you kindle your hunger for more if you're sitting on your couch with your hand inside a bag of potato chips watching "King of Queens"?

For a long time now I have been yearning to do something meaningful amd challenging with my life. Well, I guess "yearning" is a bit strong. It is more like complaining. Whyning. Moping around. Something to that extend. So for a long time I have been moping around that I need a new challenge in life. A new focus in life that lifts me off that couch and catapults me into action.

Challenges are abundant, but I am just too lazy too act upon them. I keep on dreaming up these grand schemes of how to change the world and make my life more intriguing (e.g. sell rubber bondage gear as toys to school children, sell hard drugs in retirement homes). Then I get all excited about these ideas and I run to my best friend Fabian to tell all about it. I do one of my wild presentations "wouldn't it be cool if we <PLACE BRILLIANT IDEA HERE>". He gets all excited as well, and all excited as we are we sit on his terrace, sip on some coffee, put our feet up and act as if we were going to do something about this brilliant idea. Tomorrow.


Well, there have been many tomorrows but precious few realizations of brilliant ideas so far (with the exception of founding the society for enjoyment of pornography, but that was short-lived excitement). The problem is that I am just too cozy in the place I am in now. Work is good, money is good, everything is pretty much smooth waters (except maybe the gurrl-thing). Coffee is good, terrace is good, puttin up your feet is good. You get the point. But good doesn't cut it. I am terrified of being old and not having any cool stories to tell my grandchildren, except maybe that at one point I must have had sex when my son was conceived.
"And I used to have this blog, which was kinda funny."
"Sure Grandpa. Whatever ..."
I don't want this to happen to me. So my new focus is to rekindle the hunger to do something in my life. I want to be hungry again! Hey, that hunger thing is a great analogy. If you think about it it holds the solution to my problem: If you're full you're not hungry. Get it? I should just quit my great contract at the EPO, because it just makes me full and complacent. Then, when I don't have money I am sure the hunger will set in real quick and I'll be racing to take on one of my great challenges. The one that makes the most bucks of course. Hmm, bondage toys or crack for the elderly?

Yours truly
Doug Heffernan

WORKING IN PARADISE

When I drove with Bernhard to the interview for my current position at the European Patent Office, he gave me a sales rap on how great it is to work at the EPO. I didn't believe him then, but boy was he right.

The longer I stay here the more I love this place. We've got it all: It starts with core working hours from 10am - 4pm, climate-controlled building, For the first time in my life I like talking about my work. Not necessarily the actual work I do, but the place I work at. And yes it's true, I sometimes affectionately call it working in paradise.

THE WORLD WIDE WEB IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE <- clicken Sie here ...

Wow!

PLASTIC LUST

What a single guy - crazy, creative and open-mined - will do in search of love.

I have been single now for roughly four years, and I've had it. I am goddam sick of it. I want to have a relationship. Not just sex, I'm talkin a deep, long-lasting commitment (with lotsa sex). But it is not happening.

I meet new women, but none that I seriously want to date. None that I am attracted to, feel comfortable around, have fun with, and admire at the same time. Some Californian psychologist found out that statistically a single person will go on 100 dates before he or she finds a partner. My rough estimate is that I have had about ten dating partners in the past four years. So does that mean I will find that special someone in just under ... uhmm ... 36 years? I'll be 70 then. Arrrrghh! On the upside: At least I wont be dead. Statistically speaking men live to 76.

After this grand statistical revelation I decided to be more open-minded and use my creative power to search for love in not-so-obvious places. And what I found was Dolly. Dolly, the inflatable love-ewe. As in plastic sheep. I ordered her from the internet a few weeks ago as a joke. After I inflated her I mustered her from all sides. "Not bad," I thought to myself. Just like Marilin Monroe she had a little birthmark drawn on her left cheek. How sexy! As I turned her around to examine her back side my thoughts started wandering. I blushed as my sense for adventure kicked in. I decided to take her for a spin that night.

When it was time for bed I got all excited to expand my horizons. I dimmed the light in the bedroom and slowly pulled Dolly under my blanket. Carlos Santana was playing Samba para ti in the back. I wanted to use my full creative power to dream up a hot little phantasy with her. I whispered sweet nothings in her ear, complimenting her on her looks. I caressed her neck, down her belly, and towards her hind legs, and soon I started to slip a finger inside her: ohh my she was hot!! Her somewhat anatomically correct hole did feel quite nice, much nicer than I would have imagined from a plastic doll. Whipping out some lubricant Dolly and I engaged in a a night of hot and sensuous love-making: Up and down and all around this shepherd was showing Dolly the ropes. Keeping my eyes closed for fantasy she was quite a ride. And she even made sheepish bleaks with each thrust. Goddam how I needed that!


Now ain´t that romantic? BTW: It ain´t me and it ain´t Dolly
It is amazing what a little phantasy and a tube of slip-n-slide can make out of a simple plastic hole. She sure gave me what I needed that night. She may be no subsitute for a real womanbut at least she keeps me sane until I find that special woman in my life.


Captian Adventure

"Beautiful thoughts, don't run away ..."

Have you ever had the feeling, that so many precious ideas just bubble out of your head faster than you can communicate them? Faster even to remember them to be told later? Still, you feel they are so precious they need to get out into the open, mesmerize and enlighten others as they have you?
I use this blog as a container to catch these deep and profound thoughts as the pour out of me, much like the basin of a spring fountain catches the beads of water pouring out of the penis of the figurine it adorns.
Reading old entries of mine I have found that it's not all brilliant, though. There is a good chance you considered your ideas precious as you were writing them because the Vodka your poor soul demanded to muffle your loneliness just hit the "precious"-spot in your brain. I think Pope John Paul was right demanding in his last will to have all his personal writings burned. I think I will add a clause to my last will to erase all exisiting records of me on the internet when I'm dead.

See ya

Marc